2004-10-25 - 11:48 p.m.
What an amazing weekend for Boston sports! My alma mater, Boston College, upset their arch rivals, Notre Dame. The Patriots just keep on winning, defeating the Jets. And most, most importantly, the Red Sox defeated the St. Louis Cardinals not once, but twice, going ahead 2-0 in the World Series. Saturday night I watched the game in Brighton with my brother and some friends. Last night I enjoyed the game from the comfort of my own couch, which was a much-needed break from the craziness. As it turns out, I had forgotten that I had a presentation due in my first class this morning, on top of everything else I have to do this week, so I stayed in and worked on that during the breaks in the game.Today it kind of hit me how exhausted I am. I actually dozed off in my biobehavioral class this afternoon, which was fine. Then I fell asleep on the couch tonight while I was watching the Swan (did I just admit that I watch trashy reality TV?!). But I'm just about to hit the books right now. I can sleep in tomorrow before my clinical, so I'm not too worried about staying up until two or three reading.
Things have pretty much worked out for me for this week. I talked with my date for Wednesday, and we pushed it back until Thursday. I just didn't want to spend the evening with him on Wednesday thinking about how early I had to get up the next morning, and I certainly didn't want to have to go home at like ten. So now I can stay out all night on Thursday and enjoy my time with him. Perfect! And I'm feeling pretty comfortable with my level of preparedness for my exam on Wednesday. I got together with a group after class tonight and we reviewed some of the notes. Tonight I'll read a couple of chapters, and I'll read a few more tomorrow. It's not exactly material that one needs to study, exactly. I just need to get it in my head. I think that'll happen pretty easily.
That's it. Not much to report, except that I love this time of year. The autumn has always been my favorite season: the smell of the fallen leaves, the crisp weather, the beginning of the preparations for the upcoming holiday season. Something has changed in me over the last couple of weeks. I seem to have found some kind of peace, where I was so shattered a month or two ago. I'm not exactly sure how it happened, it just did, and I'm so grateful. There was a time last month where I was really fearful of whether or not I was going to be able to heal. But I realized that I needed to embrace my grief and sadness and loneliness, and when I did that I was able to experience it and let it go. Yes, I'm still grieving, but that grief isn't consuming me anymore. It's peripheral. It's moving away from me, and it recedes a little more every day. And that leaves room for acceptance and happiness to move in, which they're doing, little by little, and I am so grateful for that, too.
