2004-11-04 - 3:35 a.m.
I saw Jason tonight for the first time in almost two months. It was both difficult and wonderful and the same time. It's amazing how much can change in that small amount of time. Yes, I cried in front of him, when he told me he took someone else (incidentally) to his cousin's wedding. That was a kick in the gut. It would have been easier if he went by himself. But otherwise it was a really great night. I have to admit, I was a bit apprehensive about seeing him one-on-one for the first time, but the second I walked in and saw him, that all melted away. We talked about the people we're seeing, and the lives we're living independent of each other, and it just felt right. He's not quite on par with my best friends yet, but tonight I got the feeling that someday he'll be there. I'm so happy for his happiness -- he's reaquainted himself with a great girl, and he's really happy to be sharing his life with her -- and I know that he's happy that I'm satisfied with my life. Somehow, we've moved past the hurt and the anger, and we're able to share ourselves with each other again, and it is a wonderful feeling.I'm a little bit spent (who'd figure?!) from the last two weeks, and a lot from tonight. There's a whole lot going on in my head that I can't really put words to, so I'm not even going to try. I'm sad and I'm happy at the same time, I'm exhausted and exhilarated at the same time. I have a four day weekend, and I can't wait to get to sleep. I doubt it will be a restful sleep, with all I have going on in my head, but I'm looking forward to having tomorrow to myself for reflection. There's a lot of reflecting that needs to be done, a lot of alone time that needs to be had by me, and for the first time in quite a while, I'm not running away from facing my feelings. That smile on Jason's face made tonight worth it, the thoughts we shared, the way we connected again. The pieces of my life are fitting into place again, and I'm just glad he's one of them.
