The one thing that's keeping me moving is knowing that I'm going away for a romantic weekend in Vermont this weekend. Friday night, NB and I are headed north for a short stay at a B&B. We've got some plans (sleighride on Saturday afternoon, nice dinner on Saturday evening, not to mention the fireplace and jacuzzi in our suite...), and, seriously, the only way I'm getting through this week is knowing that I have a lovely weekend coming up. The lord knows there's no way I'm going to get a chance to update before next Monday, so I hope you all have a lovely weekend, and wish me luck getting through this week.

A couple of weeks ago, NB and I were sitting down to dinner at his place, and we happened to have Coldplay playing on the stereo. Warning Sign came on, and I couldn't help but laugh. I happened to have posted the lyrics with an entry in late August, and I was reminiscing a little bit. I reflected on how (slightly) ridiculous is was that the song meant so much to me at one time, and, at this point in time, it only served to remind me how silly I was, how incredibly emotional I was, at one point in my life that I have subsequently recovered from. Well, fate has a funny way of playing tricks on you. Or maybe it's just me. This afternoon I was sitting at a computer in the lab at school, listening to my iPod, working on med cards for my clinical on Thursday, and a Vertical Horizon song came on, and I found myself getting emotional all over again.

When Jason and I first became friends, we marvelled over the fact that he and I were such big fans of this band, and that we had been to so many shows, at the same time, and never seen each other. We subsequently went to several VH shows together, and spent some time hanging out with the guys, who were friends of friends, on both sides. And VH kind of became a thing for us, less so in our later years, I suppose, but still, they were a band that we both loved when they were nobodies, and we both enjoyed hearing them and watching them get big. So, here I was tonight, tediously dealing with my med cards, and then, all of a sudden, there was VH. And this song was SO perfect for how I feel about Jason, it actually brought tears to my eyes. It's all about how a couple figures out that they're not meant to be together, but that there are no hard feelings. It's called Sunrays and Saturdays. Yeah, a little cheesy, but still important, nonetheless. I've bolded the words that mean the most to me...

Open the window Let the sunset in If only for the last time Let me see you smile again

I'll take my records You can have your books I'm sorry I never read them But it says so much about us

Always trying To make love out of care The perfect recipe But something wasn't there

And I wish you Sunrays and Saturdays Perfect starry nights Sweet dreams and moonbeams And a love that's warm and bright

You'll write me letters I'll call you on the on the phone A wire away from touching And never quite alone

We'll get to know ourselves again And we'll heal our hearts It's not that we're bad together We're just better off apart

Always trying To have one and one make two And even though it never worked I still feel love for you

And I wish you Sunrays and Saturdays Perfect starry nights Sweet dreams and moonbeams And a love that's warm and bright

It's just such a pretty, melodic song, that means so much to me on so many levels.

So, I know you're probably wondering why I'm STILL writing posts that pertain to Jason here. Well, the fact is, I guess I just don't feel the connection that I used to have with him, and I'm trying to compensate for that on some level. I'm trying to keep the lines of communication open. Anyone who knows me knows how much I care for this boy, and can understand how much I still think about him and care for him. Plus, I guess it's easier to share things that aren't so much a factor on my everyday life than it is to try to explain every little thing that happens with NB. I could talk about NB ad nauseam, but I try to refrain from doing that, mostly to protect his (our) privacy, and also because things are still in the developing phase, and I have no idea where this is going. At least I know that Jason is a permanent part of my life, albeit a past life. He's never going away, and any feelings I have are mine to own and do with as I please. NB is a little dicier. So that's why I still write about Jason. He's always there hovering around somewhere in the back of my mind, especially since our communication is sparse. He's the big pink elephant in the room. Make no mistake, I am moving on with my life, and loving every minute of it. It's just that I find him a much easier topic of conversation than some other current topics. I just don't LIKE to talk that much about almost failing a test. Trust me. NB found out very quickly last Wednesday how very little I like the idea of failure. But he was extremely generous (martinis, movie, meatballs, mmmmmm), and knew just how to cheer me up.

We actually got into a very interesting conversation this weekend about our relationship, wherein I told him the most ironic thing about him being in one is that he thinks he sucks at it, when, in fact, he's fucking fantastic. He's a great boyfriend (or whatever he is) -- he's considerate, and sweet, and funny, and he takes such good care of me. I feel super guilty about being very emotional last weekend, and I'm determined to make it up to him this weekend. I think I have a pretty good plan. As I said, though, I just need to get through this week...